This is in no particular order…since they’re equally awful in so many ways.
1. No-one – Alicia Keys. I hate songs that sound like the singer is pushing out a turd as they sing. That crack in her voice as she whines drives me insane. And in the now 3 weeks since I’ve been in this temp assignment, I’ve had to listen to it three times a day. And why the hell does she have to end every friggin’ phrase on the same note!!!! ARRRRGGGGHHHH!
2. Punk Rocker – Sandi Thom. Is it just me or is someone else annoyed that she speaks of punk rockers with “flowers in her hair”. Since when do punk rockers wear flowers in their hair?????? More like pins in their nose and Mohawks!!! She’s got the wrong era!!!!!!!! It annoys the crap out of me that she made millions out of a mediocre hit when she doesn’t even know anything about the music era. Dumbass.
3. Love Generation – Bob Sinclair. Mmmmm, don’t even get me started on the whistling song. This rates about as highly as the crazy frog song for me.
4. I Never Liked You – The Rogue Traders. When is someone gonna tell Natalie Bassingthwaite that she CAN’T SING FOR SHIT!!!!!! She sounds like Malibu Stacey in this song. And I don’t think it’s deliberate. I hate her so much. She’s an airhead bimbo masquerading as a ‘tough broad’. I have earwax with more talent.
5. Beautiful Girls – Sean Kingston. He’s taken a great bassline by Leiber and Stoller (Stand By Me) and put his RIDICULOUS lyrics on the top, with that horrible repeat of ‘in denial, in denial’. It makes me want to rip off my arm and whack myself over the head with it repeatedly.
6. Me Love – Sean Kingston. The lyrics go “Oh oh oh oh oh oh, why’d you have to go-oh away from home, me love”. Why???? Because you’re a dickhead, you’re embarrassing and untalented. Get over it!
7. The Rose – Bette Midler. One of the worst songs ever written. It has painfully bad lyrics, a juvenile melody and we all know what I think of the ‘less than divine Miss M’.
8. Big Big World – Emilia. Do you guys remember that song? It literally sounded like a nursery rhyme. She couldn’t sing. She sounded like a 4 year old. The song was shit. Name one thing that made this good! And yet she made money on it.
9. Straight Line – silverchair. I usually have a lot of respect for the Newcastle boys. But this song is like pulling teeth. It’s okay until he trys to ‘rock out’ by putting the chorus up an octave. UGHHHHH! The hairs on my arm stand up every time. And not in a good way. I hate it so much.
10. My Humps – Black Eyed Peas. That band has some fantastic hits and some even more spectacular misses. This is one of the misses. What the hell were they thinking? Why do they have to glorify people checking out girl’s tits and ass? Fergie sets back women’s lib 50 years!
11. Spank – Dirty South feat Boogie Fresh. This song is irritating and offensive. “Don’t matter if you can’t dance, just make that ass bounce, just shake what your daddy gave ya. Gonna make you spank.”
If we buy these singles, we’re basically telling them it’s okay to objectify women. And who let that untalented moron in the recording studio in the first place. The way he speaks the verses makes me want to stab him with a pencil.
12. Can’t Get You Outta My Head – Kylie. Most post 90s Kylie songs will make this list, actually, but this one is a particular ‘highlight’. What I hate the most about Kylie is the fact that noone has picked up that she’s a nostril singer! She sings through her nose, dammit. She’s so nasal and whiny. Why has noone noticed? At least pre-millenium, you could excuse her for being young. But what the hell is her excuse now?????!!!!
13. My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion. Or should I say ‘My Heart Will Go On and On and On and On...’. I lost all respect for James Horner after this song. Paired with the fact that this was the theme tune to one of the worst movies ever made, it’s a double whammy.
14. Hollaback Girl – Gwen Stefani. I loved Gwen Stefani. Once. I was very upset when she released this. No Doubt were a great ska band. Then she comes out with this piece of excrement. The worst bit about it is that the school I work out let underage students wearing hardly anything perform a cheerleading routine to this at a school concert. I was a hair’s breadth away from ripping my teeth out.
15. Get The Party Started – Pink. I’d admit it…. Pink was on the right track. I actually owned a Pink album once. She’s a smart girl. But what spectacular head injury/neurological collapse/drug induced coma caused her to do this song. It’s so unspeakably awful and horribly irritating, I want to stick pins in my eyes. And for more than one reason. I saw a 60 year old skank perform this at a karaoke bar. How dare Pink inflict that on me?
**Amendment to post - I would just like to add that if I hear one more song where the singer says "buh-lieve" instead of "be-lieve", I will go on a psychotic rampage, I swear! Delta will be first!
