Things that make me horribly anxious

Anxiety is something I don't talk about very often but like many people, I suffer from severe anxiety and it can be, combined with depression, absolutely crippling. 

Everybody gets stressed and nervous at some point in their lives - everyone goes through a feeling of being nervous about speaking publicly, or going to events where they don't know anyone, or stresses over work or school or family. 

This is NOT the same as an anxiety disorder. Generalised anxiety disorder and social anxiety disorder is a condition that hits you 24/7, sometimes for no discernable reason and is not just a feeling of being nervous. Even though I am on treatments for this, here are some of the things I simply cannot cope with and will set me off without any notice....

1. Social gatherings 

Gatherings at which I only know a few people, or less. This can be enhanced when none of the guests are particularly close friends. Most people wouldn't even know this about me because I try my absolute hardest to cover it up and sometimes try and be the life of the party to compensate but most of the time, I'm looking for a way out, dying inside. I barely even cope these days at functions in which I know the guests really well. If I don't make your social function, it's not because I don't want to go - sometimes I am dying to want to feel okay about it and I desperately want the company - but I just can't face it. Depression is a bitch that exacerbates this too!

2. Being late to anything. 

This is particularly bad when it is someone else's fault that we're late and it is out of my control. I hate the feeling of not being prepared, of walking into a room that's already full of people, of missing out on something important that may happen in that one minute. Please don't make me late to anything. If I say I want to leave at 7:34pm, then please be ready to leave then. 

3. Making phone calls or talking on the phone

The only people I'm comfortable talking to on the phone are Mum and my partner. I was a telephonist for many years and it was hell on earth. The only saving grace with that was that I didn't have to be personal and usually I kept the phone call to an absolute minimum. Making calls to businesses or clients = ugh! I am much more comfortable if you text or email me. I don't even answer phone calls for which I don't recognise the number, just in case it's a debt collector or someone calling to get angry with me. 

4. Small talk. 

I just can't cope with small talk. I don't want to know about the weather or how 'you are' when you're not going to give a true answer. Talk to me, argue even, about the environment, religion, politics, music, art, history, the meaning of life... just don't do small talk! I don't want to answer 'how are you?' as you really don't want to hear the real answer, trust me! 

5. Flying. 

I have a lot of pretty irrational fears. I'm scared of birds and their sharp talons and pecky beaks. Chickens freak me out. I hate clowns and popping balloons and spiders. I feel incredibly uncomfortable in crowds and being stuck in elevators. But most of all, I absolutely hate flying. My heart races uncontrollably from the moment I enter the cabin to the second I get into the terminal. I don't know whether its the fact that I can't get out once we're up there, the fact that we rely on one/two people for our lives or the pressure in the cabin but I hate it. 

6. Excess repetitive noise and smells

The sound of crunching ice or cereal, slurping drinks, snoring/heavy sleep breathing and the strong smell of strong sauces, fish and citrus fruit make my skin crawl. I literally get the hairs on my arms standing on end. I particularly feel my stress levels increase when my boss eats her heated lunch in the office. 

7. Religious services of any kind, including weddings. 

I am not a fan of any weddings, religious or secular, in general but being of no religion, I find religious ceremonies/services of any kind stressful and awkward. This can be a bit of an occupational hazard, working in a Christian school. I have coped for many years, partly by unintentional avoidance (I've been lucky to have not been available for morning devotion for many years) and I have always upheld the ethos of the school as part of my employment and out of respect for the school and its teachers/students, but religious rituals like communion and prayer make me very anxious. I would never disrespect those who do have those beliefs but making me participate makes me very uncomfortable. 

8. Being a passenger in a car

I think this may be link to being out of control. When I'm a passenger, I have no control over the actions of the person driving and this makes me very stressed. I do 'invisible breaking' which I actually feel in my calves afterwards and I just can't relax. I'd prefer to drive myself where possible. 

9. My own dreams. 

Ever since I was a teenager, I have had very vivid dreams and nightmares. They are quite often realistic, violent or disturbing, the kind that linger with me for days and I've often woken up drained and upset and not able to forget them easily. Once I had a dream that my grandfather was chasing us with an axe. so yeah, not nice. 

10. Job interviews. 

I can't stand the scrutiny of job interviews. I am qualified for the job - you can see that by the resume. I am a nervous shy person and I never come across well because of this, even though I would be an excellent employee. I've been known to be so nervous about a job interview that I haven't shown up. 

11. Walking. 

This is absolutely ridiculous and I know it is irrational but when I was about 12-13, my siblings told me that I was pigeon-toed (I wasn't - they were just teasing shitheads) but every since, I haven't been able to walk without thinking about my feet. I know, it's insane. But walking causes me anxiety. 

12. Worrying about what people are saying about me when I'm not around

Modern day message chats make this ten times worse because people can screenshot your words and share with others. I always overanalyse but sometimes it is warranted after getting bullied by an anonymous person online. 

13. Being the decision maker

My partner is the worst decision maker on earth. He leaves it up to me and I hate it. I hate deciding what to have for dinner, where to go for a Sunday drive, what to watch at the movies. I hate the responsibility because of course, I overanalyse whether I have made the right decision. 

14. Going to a doctor

I always feel like they think I'm faking or a hypochondriac. I absolutely hate that question 'rate your pain out of ten' because I always understate it because I feel that they will think I'm faking it if I say what I truly think. I would rather suffer in pain in silence rather than go to a doctor only to be told I have a somatic pain disorder and not be taken seriously. It's truly overwhelming. Too many doctors not willing to continue to get to the bottom of my back pain issues, too many that just give up without trying. I'm not a drug seeker - in fact I hate taking medication. But I get treated like it. I've been told it's 'in my head'. It's not. I'm sick of it. 

I suffered with a bleeding, seeping sore the size of an apple on my arm for three years because the doctor couldn't be bothered investigating it. I got diagnoses of 'scratching myself', 'school sores' and mosquito bite. It was a known treatable allergy when finally someone did something about it - in the meantime, I could have got a raging infection from it - it was NASTY! 

15. Surprises

I don't like them at all. I don't like not knowing. I read spoilers of movies and tv shows. I read the ends of books first - because what if the book ends badly, then I would have wasted my time and been disappointed. I particularly hate when someone asks me to 'guess'. 

16. My appearance

I am constantly worried that people are judging me for my bad skin or the hair on my face (hormonal) or that I smell bad. Or that the top I'm wearing makes me look pregnant. A couple of kids pointed out my 'moustache' once and I haven't stopped worrying about that since. I can't help it, I can't control it but it is a big source of anxiety. 

17. Disorder

I'm quite untidy physically but I'm not disorganised. There is organised chaos. An askew bookcase or a CD/DVD that is not in some semblance of an order/logic bothers me a lot. My partner bungs things in the cupboard willy-nilly - it drives me nuts. I organise the pantry and then he messes it up in five seconds. He stacks plates in random size orders rather than in a logical order. He keeps plastic spoons in the teaspoon compartment. I can't stand it! 

The meh post...

10 THINGS I THINK ARE OVERRATED. 

1. Adele. What is so great about her? She's not vocally spectacular and her vocal style is rather monotonous, most of her songs are somewhat dirge-y and are completely overplayed on the radio. The only things she has done that I've liked have been Rumour Has It (it's catchy) and Skyfall (which has the trademark Bond theme injected into it). She's not bad, but surely there is better out there??

2. Nutella. I really don't get it. It's chocolate spread. By the way people talk, you'd think it was gold flaked unicorn spread! It's sickly sweet, gluggy and really bad for you! Give me a nice raspberry jam any day!

3. "Part Of Your World" from the Little Mermaid. I am a huge Disney fan but I just don't understand this one. That song is so cheesy and cutesy, it makes me want to puke. In the musical, there are much better Ariel songs. And this is coming from someone who got a little teary when she heard a live theatre performance of 'Beauty and the Beast'. I'm not sure why people love it so much.

4. Krispy Kreme. Ugh, it's so sickly and sweet and never makes you feel good afterwards. The opening of Krispy Kreme caused traffic jams. Ridiculous! Not only are we gradually becoming a fatter, more unhealthy nation clearly seen by this behaviour, we was a better version here in South Australia called Gourmet Glaze which was less sickly and better quality, and further more, they donated their leftover doughnuts to charity. Support SA, people!

5. Mamma Mia The Musical. Let's take all of the overrated ABBA songs and put them together in a musical. Don't worry that the story is contrived and terrible. As a fan of ABBA since a child, I know that ABBA wrote some gems throughout the years that would have worked better in this musical and wouldn't have been as insufferable as the cliches in this one. Nup, not enamoured at all. It's a concept that could have been great but I really don't like it. Oh, and the movie! Poorly acted and even more poorly sung.

6. New Year's Eve. Who cares? It's a date change. Just like any other date change throughout the year for your whole life. It's just an excuse for people to get shitfaced, pollute the environment with their fireworks and empty beer bottles and pretend that they're going to be a better person starting at 12:01am. But it never happens. People don't keep their New Year's resolutions. They're the same as they always are. Whatever...

7. The movie version of The Notebook. Oh dear, it wasn't sad. It wasn't romantic. It was BORING! And soppy. And badly acted. And badly written. Everyone went gaga over this and Ryan Gosling. (Another person I just don't understand the appeal of). And no, I'm not going to read the book. Have tried reading one Nicholas Sparks book. That's 15min of my life I'll never get back.

8. Vitamin water and coconut water fads. They taste revolting. Vitamin water just tastes like weak cordial. Coconut water gives you the runs! Neither make me feel healthier afterwards. Waste of money.

9. Chinese banquets. I hate when you go out to dinner with other people and they decide to do a banquet. Guaranteed I will be the one that loses out in the end with a whole heap of food choices that I'm not interested in, layered with rice that costs about 1c to make but costs you about $3 to eat. And there's always one person that will eat more than their fair share of one thing and you miss out. Nup, let me buy my own meal, thanks. I'd rather pay for a meal after which I'm actually going to be full.

10. The movie Titanic. Worst movie ever. A self indulgent waste of millions of dollars. The whole love story was puke-inducing and I just wanted them both to die. A better movie would have been focusing on the lives of the people in 3rd class instead. I thought the elderly 'Rose' was a bitch for throwing the stone in the water instead of just giving it to the people who had spent millions of dollars and their precious time looking for it forever! I thought the young 'Rose' was a mole for not making room on that door. Our film class spent an hour working out how much money we could save by cutting out all of the superfluous scenes. And don't get me started on how disappointed I was with James Horner who, up until that point, was my favourite film composer. I leave you with this gem - this shows about as much respect to the movie score as that movie deserved.

TIPS FOR LEADING A SELF-CENTRED, BOORISH EXISTENCE

Oh the rage, the rage! 

On the Roads

CARS - DRIVING

• Don't let anyone in. Ever! You can't spare that two extra seconds. Particularly important when the car you refuse to let in needs to exit a freeway and there isn't another exit for 3km. Remember, Netflix is waiting. 
• Never abide by the 'car in front has the right of way' merge rules. Just speed up to the block and then cut in on the person who was ahead of you right at the last second. Same goes for roadblocks in roadworks. Ignore the fact that the notification was miles back. Continue to drive in the blocked lane until the last second and then push in, instead of waiting your turn. 
• Fuck using your indicator. It saves valuable battery power. Let other cars guess your intentions by slamming on your brakes at the last second. Remember the rules: brake first, indicate second. If you do use your indicator, make sure it's a 'blink and miss' once and once only. 
• Don't ever acknowledge when someone kindly lets you in, especially when they wait extra long for you to do so. Of course, you need your hand for texting, changing songs on your iPod and eating your Big Mac.
• Drive a tank sized SUV. At night, blind other drivers with your double strength headlights pointed straight in the eyes of oncoming traffic. Tailgate and intimidate everyone who doesn't drive an environmentally destructive selfish death machine like yours. 
• Don't ever dip your high beam on country roads. 
• In peak hour and when traffic is gridlocked, always choose to turn right into side streets instead of taking the perpendicular road and turning left. 
• Take your classic car that doesn't run over 40kph on one-lane roads in peak hour. 
• Parents, stop wherever you fucking feel like it to pick up your kids from school. Unbroken yellow line? Not an issue! Main road clearway? No problem! It doesn't matter what a selfish jerk you are being, your agenda is so much more important. 
• Pretend you're a V8 car driver on Clipsal 500 week. Hoon the crap out of suburbia. 

CARS - PARKING

• Park in disabled parks. Use your friend's permit when they aren't even in the car to justify your selfishness.
• Wait until the lady with the loaded trolley and three small children gets to her car and loads up so you can take her park, no matter how many cars you are holding up behind you. 
• Take up a park and a half when you parallel park. This is especially important when its in the city on a Friday night and parks are like rare diamonds. 
• Block other cars in by parking like an asshole. 
• Parent parks. Don't even get me started. Because you pushed a thing out of your vagina, you suddenly get priority parking. Yeah, nup. Having children is not like having a disability. It's a choice. Just like it was your choice to get your stupidly unnecessary giant car that doesn't fit into regular parks. 
• Steal other people's carparks, even though they are indicating to go in. 

CYCLISTS

• Ride two or three abreast and block as much traffic as possible. Because your conversation with your riding partner is more important than any other person's day. I don't care that you're allowed to ride two abreast. Just because you can do it, doesn't make you not selfish. 
• If you're on your own, ride as close as practicably possible to the right hand side of the lane. Most important if it's an unbroken line. Cycle as far right as you can in bike lanes. Make sure cars always have to pull into the oncoming traffic to pass you. 
• Ride up windy narrow hills roads at the busiest times of the day, blocking the way for kilometres. Make sure that cars have to put their lives at risk to pass you or take 1 hour to travel 5kms.
• Pretend you're a world class cyclist during Tour Down Under week.

PEDESTRIANS

• Take your time crossing pedestrian crossings to make the cars waiting to turn wait for you longer. 
• Assume that you have the right of way all the time in carparks. Car reversing? No worries - walk out right behind them. Because road rules don't apply in carparks! 

While shopping

• Take 13 items through the 12 items or less aisle
• Taste test the fruit and vegetables. 
• Squeeze the life out of avocados and fruit but don't buy them. Make sure you crush bread before you return it to the shelf
• Knock things off the shelf but don't pick them up. That's what the shelf stockers are for. 
• Use a separate plastic bag for every single piece of fruit. Environment Schmenvironment. 
• Block the aisles with your trolley while you read the nutritional information on every item. 
• Try on several sets of clothes five minutes before closing time but then don't buy them. 
• Leave clothes in heaps in dressing rooms. 
• Order ten coffees through Maccas drive through during the busiest times, instead of parking and going inside. Make sure that each coffee is completely different - half strength, soy, decaf, extra hot - to enable slowest delivery but then whinge about being asked to park in a waiting bay. 
• Stand right in the centre of escalators and don't let anyone through on the right. 
• Never return your trolley; just leave it in an empty parking space. 
• Wait for 10 minutes in line and then ponder your decision on what you want once you get to the counter and are being served. Make sure you always pay in coins. 
• Take up a cafe table for two hours for one cup of coffee. 

In laundromats

• Set your load going in a dryer for twenty five minutes and then leave for an hour. This is especially important when it's busy and there is a line up to use the dryers. Get shitty when someone takes out your clothes and puts them on the bench/floor after they've been sitting there finished for an hour
• Use five dryers to dry ten small items. Again, most important when it is busy 
• Wash animal blankets and oily mechanics overalls in communal washing machines 
• Use more than the suggested washing detergent in machines and leave gunky residue in detergent compartments
• Block the change machine but don't notify the next person who tries to use it
• Don't report broken machines so the next person doesn't know it is broken either and loses their money too

Work

• Eat your stinky lunch in the small office, not in the staff room. 
• Keep changing the air conditioner to a freezing cold 17 or a stinking hot 27 instead of a comfortable 22/23 for everyone. 
• Make your staff feel guilty for taking a sick day even if they are incapacitated but come to work and spread your germs to everyone in the office. 
• Ask your staff/underlings to do a job for you just as they are walking out the door for the day and have already shut down their PC. 
• Never change empty toilet rolls in staff toilets, even if a replacement is there waiting for you on the cistern. You're way too busy. 
• Leave drips on the seats, dirty toilet bowls and your empty tampon wrapper sitting on top of the sanitary waste bin. 
• 'Reply All' to every email, no matter how irrelevant. 
• Sell Nutrimetics, candles, tupperware and other side business products via work email. 
• Subscribe other people's email addresses to sites that spam them. 
• Send 10mb or larger files via email
• Send emailed documents in weird formats that can't be opened. 
• Ask people to email back completed forms but they are not editable online and have to printed. 
• Accumulate shared cups, crockery and cutlery in your office. Don't wash up your dishes ever. Leave them on the sink for the dish fairy to do. 
• Ignore urgent emails. 
• Leave passive aggressive notes for work colleagues. 
• Leave staff members off your Christmas function invitation list. 
• Request read receipts on every email. 
• Give crappy generic Kris Kringle presents like chocolate or soap. Regift from previous year. Better yet, make sure the present is totally unlike the person you're giving it too and spell their name wrong while you're at it! 
• If you work in the finance department, argue every single expense and refuse to reimburse employees. Be a pedant over the cost of a postage stamp. 
• Play your personal music in the office loudly. It's best if its a crappy one-hit-wonder earworm or insufferable Christian rock. 
• Never close doors behind you. 
• If the communal photocopier runs out of paper in one tray, just change to the other tray. Don't fill the empty one, even though the reams of paper are right behind you. Just leave the photocopier if it jams. 

Public transport

Pic by SuperKaninja on Deviant Art

• Empty bus? No worries. Sit next to the only other passenger there. 
• Have really loud conversations on your phone
• Strike up conversations with people who are clearly not interested in talking (ie. studying, reading, wearing headphones)
• Wait until you get right to the ticket machine before getting your ticket or money out. This is best when your purse/wallet is at the bottom of a Mary Poppins-style handbag and there's a long line behind you. Old people, pay for your bus fare in small coins and then keep putting the ticket in the machine the wrong way. 
• If you're a school kid, leave your backpack on when you have to stand on the bus, so you hit the seated passengers in the head with it. 
• Try and get on the bus before the exiting passengers have gotten off. 
• Ladies, put your tiny handbags in the luggage storage, especially on airport shuttle buses. 
• Don't stand for the elderly or infirmed
• Don't wear deodorant. Ever. Or travel in your gym clothes straight after an intensive workout without showering. This is best on those airtight buses without windows. Ladies, bathe in your perfume. 
• Don't hold manual doors open for the person behind you. 
• Eat your stinky food on the bus. 
• Play shitty house music on your iPod loud enough for the whole bus to hear. 
• Hold up the driver asking questions about connecting buses that you can find out via phone, internet or visiting the metro office. Make sure the bus is five minutes late by the time you've finished. 
• Push in lines to get on. 
• Smoke at bus shelters. 

Parents

• Let your child play in the aisles at shopping centres. In fact, let them treat everywhere like a playground. Bitch when restaurants and businesses call you out on it and then leave them a bad product review online. 
• Take your screaming child to the theatre
• Drive like a wanker with a 'Baby on Board' sign in your back window. I don't give a fuck that you have a baby or about your stick figure family. I deserve to live as much as you do. 
• See 'On The Roads'
• Treat everyone like you have more rights because you're a parent (ie. aforementioned Parent Parks)
• Tell childless adults that they're missing out. Make them feel like crap for not having bred, implying that their life is meaningless and unimportant. Say things to them like 'you don't know what tired is' and imply that the childless person has it easy by default. 
• Don't clean up after your child in public toilets. Too bad if your child peed on the floor or didn't put their paper towel in the bin. 
• Leave a mess in fast food restaurants with sauce, overturned food and spilled drinks but just leave it for the poor workers. Make sure the mess ends up on the chairs too. 
• Post 15,000 photos of your child on Facebook. Make sure everyone knows your child's potty training moments in detail. 
• Blame your kid's teachers for your kid's poor grades when they have missed classes, not handed up homework and are generally a below average student. 
• Be a fucking anti-vaxxer, you moronic selfish excuse of a human who was awarded the degree of the Bachelor of Memes from the University of Google. Who do you think you are, implying that you know more than the hundreds of thousands of MEDICAL DOCTORS and IMMUNOLOGISTS with PhDs and hundreds of collective years of study. Oh, but Jenny McCarthy and your equally moronic 'Mummy Group' on FB said vaccines cause autism (they don't) and they contain dihydrogen monoxide (ha!) so the 'research' you said you're doing MUST be valid. Just because it is 'your right to choose for your family' doesn't make you not a selfish ignorant jerk who doesn't give a fuck about anyone but themselves and wilfully encourages dangerous, previously near-eradicated preventable diseases to reappear. I think that just as you have the right to choose not to vaccinate, schools should have the right not to accept your little disease incubator's enrolment and doctors and hospitals should have the right to choose not to treat you or your child for that broken wrist or stomach pain because, well, what would those doctors know, eh? You shouldn't be allowed those antibiotics for that bout of tonsillitis or painkillers after an appendectomy because Big Pharma can't be trusted, right? You can go treat that painful kidney stone with herbs and prayer and sunshine and puppies. And when a cancer vaccine is finally developed, you should be denied access to it. And good luck getting medical insurance or claiming your medical bills via Medicare. This should be refusal criteria.  Ha, rant over! 
• Name your kid a perfectly normal name but spell it like a dickhead: Mykal (Michael), Madasyn (Madison). Then get annoyed when people mispronounce it or spell it wrong. Or mistake your child for a boy.  You can't help that you're a bogan. Or how about the new trend of naming your millenium born child an old fashioned old person name like Ethel or Beryl or Norm or Walter or Blanche. Just because you want to be different, your child should have to endure a name the same as the local lawnbowls captain.

At the ice rink

• If you're a high level skater, wait until they have swept the ice on the beginner rink and then deliberately dig your toepick into the surface several times right before beginner classes get on. If you're a hockey player, destroy new surfaces by practicing hockey stops right before a freestyle session
• Parents, ignore all signs and try and coach your child during their skating lesson
• Parents, brag about how much your child's costume cost. Or how much weight they've lost. 
• Don't watch where you are going when you're skating backwards
• Practice camel spins and spirals in public sessions
• Coaches, instruct your Tiny Tots classes to skate right next to the adult skater practicing spin entries
• Piss on the rubber floor mats in the toilets
• Tie ridiculous knots in hire skate laces
• Skate with the frames right in front of others and then leave them in the middle of the ice
• Skate really fast around obvious beginners to indimidate them.

Musicians

• Expect other musicians to work for you for exposure
• Never mark your parts in rehearsal. That way, you can waste valuable rehearsal time asking the same questions every week. 
• Talk during rehearsal and then play in the wrong place because you missed the instruction
• Mark other people's original music in 2H or harder pencil
• Never adjust your tuning. Always assume you're the correct one. 
• Forget normal important rehearsal tools like a pencil or a music stand. Never tell the conductor you're missing a piece of vital equipment until we're ready to start. 
• Don't come to a gig in the required dress code. When the gig says formal blacks, come in harem pants or jeans. Wear pinstripe pants and white socks to marching gigs. Don't iron uniform shirts.
• Be difficult and inflexible when trying to find a mutual rehearsal time. Your cousin's friend's former roommate's 23rd birthday should come first, right? 
• Rehearsal is baton down at 6? Show up at 5:58 even though you have several pieces of equipment to set up. Make sure the rehearsal has to wait for you. 
• Percussionist? Don't ever get your driver's license. 

Online

• Give yourself a stupid name on Facebook and then keep changing it so that people continually question who you are. 
• Be one of THOSE Youtube commenters
• 'Like' literally every single status you read and share every article you find so that everyone receives a newsfeed article about it. Share posts like "@A has to buy you a hamburger" as you can't unfollow those things. 
• Admin on a FB page? Like statuses going back 10 years so that other admins get the notifications! 
• Tag people in horrible photos that you know they won't like
• Share clickbait
• Copy and paste those hoax statuses without checking Hoaxslayer or Snopes first
• Post spoilers of shows and new movies on Facebook. Punish those who refuse to steal other people's intellectual property by spoiling every episode of their favourite show the moment it airs in the US. 
• Vaguebook. All. The. Time. 
• Don't reject friend requests - just pretend you haven't seen it and leave them hanging
• Post Instagram filtered sexy selfies as your profile pic and fish for compliments
• Constantly post inspirational quotes or pictures of your food or memes about being a bitch. 
• Unfriend someone immediately if they start to disagree with you - don't give them a change to retaliate. 

Pet owners

• Don't pick up your dog's faeces in public parks and the beach
• Let your dog jump up on other people
• Don't stop your dog from trying to hump other dogs or peoples' legs. 
• Give your dogs away when you have children because they're suddenly too much work, a burden and oh yeah, they're not cute puppies anymore. 
• Tie your dog up in the backyard. 
• Sell your dog for a shitload as a purebread Pugalier x Maltese Shitzu. Because four breeds in one is still purebred and worth a lot, right? It's not a mutt, at all. 
• Buy your kids puppies for Christmas
• Don't desex your randy tomcat and let your unspayed female cats continue to breed more unwanted kittens
• Let your cats roam the street at night
• Leave your dogs outside in 40 degrees all day
• Let your dogs bark. All the time. Encourage continual yapping. 

Miscellaneous

• Dog-ear books you borrow from other bibliophiles
• Lose pieces of other people's jigsaw puzzles
• Vegans, make sure you lecture non-vegetarians all the time and post memes comparing meat eaters to genocidal dictators or the Ku Klux Klan
• Christians, pretend you are helping others in need by simply saying 'I'll pray for you' instead of doing something real and tangible (See; #PrayforParis). When someone I love is dying of cancer, I want to hold their hand, not sit at home and pray for a deity I have no proof even exists. 
• Chew loudly in restaurants. 
• Take selfies at scenes of tragedy
• Send food back every time you order something. Make the waiting staff feel guilty for something you know is not their fault. In fact, complain a lot. Because the uncomfortable feeling of apologising to a grumpy customer is how every hospitality worker wants to feel every evening of their life. 
• Put IOUs in other people's charity chocolate boxes. 
• Stand in doorways to have your conversation
• Throw your cigarette butts out the window of your car. 
• Ask annoying, pointless and long winded questions in lectures
• Leave butter in the vegemite and toast crumbs in the butter. 
• When someone corrects your grammar, get all defensive and blame being poor as a child as the reason you don't know the difference between 'your' and 'you're', even though you're a grown adult. 
• Be chronically late and think it's ok. Be a rude jerk who doesn't care. Pretend it's something you can't help and imply it's like an illness, instead of a choice. 
• Send glittered invites in the mail. 
• Take off your shoes on planes and in movie theatres because everyone wants to smell your feet. 
• Spend a dinner with friends on your mobile phone. 
• Send someone a text message asking them to call you when you haven't tried calling yourself
• Stand right next to the baggage carousel at the airport instead of standing back so others can see their bags coming as well. 
• ALWAYS choose to use the plane toilet five minutes after food has been delivered to passengers. It is best when you're in a window seat. 
• Posties, always make sure mail isn't completely inside the mailbox on rainy days. 
• Whinge about being broke but then post your pictures from the beach in Bali

Gratuitous X Files post Part 2!

I am working my way through the X Files Season 1-9 again and so I thought it was time for a second X Files post. The show started to decline a bit at this point, but I still think they had more hits than misses in these seasons and the characters started to open up more personally to each other which was nice.

Here are my fave episodes from Seasons 4-6

Season 4

                           Unruhe

I really like Pruitt Taylor Vince who plays the villain in this one. He has a nystagmus (wobbly eyes) which give him a really unsettling nature but his performances are always blistering (he was one of the best things about season 2 of Murder One) and this is no exception. I think also Season 4 is where Gillian Anderson hit her acting straps and she was very good in this episode. It has a very unsettling (unrest....) feel about it which suits the theme. And the photo manipulation was a clever tool.

                           

                     Synchrony

I love time travel stories. And this one has a little bit of both time travel and strange science involving cryogenics. I even like the music in this one - it appears in later episodes too. I like the concept of an older man travelling back in time to the younger version of himself to stop his own experiments from happening. It's quite intriguing and innovative.

                 Memento Mori

I think this is the first time you see Mulder and Scully's growing friendship really strongly. Gillian Anderson's acting is superb in this episode, dealing with the diagnosis of her cancer, and the whole episode is just so sad and wistful. For a season that didn't have that many stand out episodes, this one was a favourite for me. 

Season 5

                          Bad Blood
This episode is friggin hilarious! The banter between Mulder and Scully is what I love about these kind of stand alone episodes. It features Luke Wilson who flits between charming sheriff and total hillbilly depending on from whose point of view the story is being told. The vampire effects are hilariously hokey and it's great when the X Files series doesn't take itself too seriously. Love it!   


                                                     Kill Switch

I'm pretty sure there is ZERO scientific accuracy with regards to 'self-aware' computers and virtual reality here but I really liked this one. The girl who plays Esther is sharp and sassy and I really liked her character. The funny scenes involving Mulder's arms being amputated and the overly porn-like 'nurses' that attend to him are really funny. And any episode in which the lone gunmen appear always makes                                              it so much better. 

  

            Post Modern Prometheus
This only became one of my favourites of the season for one reason: the final scene (*spoiler alert*) at Cher's concert when M & S dance. It is the most close you have seen them come to each other at that point and it is the most adorable scene ever. Watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJeziztQXrE  Plus I love the song. 

Season 6

                                                     Drive

This particular season had more hits for me than the last two seasons, especially since the mythology episodes had become very interesting in the aftermath of the first movie. The episodes were quirky, funny and more imaginative (albeit less scientifically accurate). It started off well with the first stand alone episode 'Drive' which has a very 1990s "Speed" feel to it - but without Keanu Reeves' poor acting. :) *spoiler alert* You genuinely feel sorry for Mr Crump in the end, even though he is putting Mulder at risk and I really felt for Mulder at the end, not making it in time. 


                        Monday

This 'Groundhog Day' episode was one of my favourites of all time. The concept of a poor girl living the same horrible event over and over, no matter what she does, is very sad. But there is also a lot of humour in the deja vu feeling that Mulder gets over his shitty day which culminates in a huge tragedy. I really liked the way they handled the repeated day - subtle changes but still resulting in the same things. Clever. And the acting in this episode is particularly good, especially from the girl living the nightmare over and over. 



                          Arcadia
Man, I love this one. It's so friggin' funny. Yeah, I know, a lot of shows do the whole 'pretend to be a couple' thing but this one was done so well. The monster of the week is a little ridiculous but it is worth it just for a) Abraham Benrubi b) Mulder and Scully calling each other pet names  c) Mulder's scene with the orange juice on the mailbox and digging up the front lawn to put in a 'reflecting pool'. Bahahaha! The scary thing is that there are towns just like this one in reality, some popping up in Australia. Maybe without the big mud monster, granted, but still that strict and anal, nonetheless.




Stay tuned for Seasons 7-9

365 Simple Joys

Well, it appears as if I haven't blogged in over a year because my last post is pretty similar to the one I'm about to do. :/

This year, instead of the 365 days of gratitude, I decided to post on Facebook each day a tiny little thing that make me happy. You know, those little moments of awesome that just make your day, the ones that don't make you rich or famous or extraordinary in any way. Life's little wins that just make your day that tiny bit better, even if it's only for a brief moment. So here they were: 

SIMPLE JOY #1

That moment when you finally correctly fit that piece of a jigsaw puzzle that you've been trying to get for hours! I just experienced that this morning with a Where's Wally jigsaw puzzle! Thousand pieces of nightmare!  :D It took me over an hour of absolutely no progress and then I got ONE piece. But man, getting that one piece felt good!

SIMPLE JOY #2

There are not many better things in this world than the sound of a cat purring when they're falling asleep on your lap, esp when you have to turn the TV up because they're so loud. It is so heartwarming!

SIMPLE JOY #3

It is really nice when you pass a stranger in the street jogging, walking a dog etc and they smile at you and say hello. So often, people don't make eye contact or acknowledge you so it is great to experience that friendliness.

SIMPLE JOY #4

 It is awesome when you get to see native wildlife in your own backyard, such as having regular koala visitors in the Hills. It reminds me of just how beautiful our country is.

SIMPLE JOY #5

I love wearing fresh brand new socks! Wash them once and they never feel the same again. Am I the only person in the world that actually likes getting socks and jocks for Xmas?

SIMPLE JOY #6

I've always dreamed really vividly and they nearly always make complete sense (as opposed to my sister who dreams about Preginald the Elephant and birds the size of houses. :D) .So when the particular dreams are disturbing, terrifying or sad, it's actually quite traumatic for me. Therefore waking up and realising it wasn't real after all is such an enormous relief.

SIMPLE JOY #7

Biggest downside of getting paid early due to Christmas is the extra long wait until the next pay day. So getting paid right when you really need the money = great feeling!

SIMPLE JOY #8

I'm a huge procrastinator...a real downfall, actually. So it is a big accomplishment and a great feeling when I set out to achieve a particular task and ACTUALLY FINISH it. 

SIMPLE JOY #9

Late night mug of warm milk - I really am a little kid in a 30s body!

SIMPLE JOY #10

Toasted cheese sandwiches - world's best comfort food

SIMPLE JOY #11

Hearing your favourite song first thing in the morning sure puts you in a good mood! You know it's going to be a great day.

SIMPLE JOY #12

Beating a high score on a game is awesome, especially when it is in excess of 200,000 more than the previously set high score. 

SIMPLE JOY #13

That first sip of an ice-cold beer on a stinking hot day = one of the little gems life in Australia has to offer!

SIMPLE JOY #14

Getting green lights the entire way to your destination is a little piece of awesome!

SIMPLE JOY #15

I really love the smell of the earth as it prepares itself for rain. It's like the scent of Nature's joy and excitement. 

SIMPLE JOY #16

Finding a good reed in amongst 486 shit ones - a joy only woodwind players understand!

SIMPLE JOY #17

I love turning up the volume on the music I'm listening to and singing ridiculously loud when I'm by myself. There's something so liberating about it (and potentially damaging to my voice singing in the wrong range half the time but I don't care). My poor neighbours!

SIMPLE JOY #18

Last night's happiness: watching that electrical storm, nature's own Skyshow, by myself from the safety of my back deck, armed only with a cup of tea. The sky is truly awe-inspiring!

SIMPLE JOY #19

Licking the spoon/bowl after making cake mix. Or in my case, eating the remainder of the chocolate fudge sauce from the container with fingers. Spoons are for wimps!

SIMPLE JOY #20

Hearing that something wonderful has happened to your close friend is sometimes just as good as getting great news of your own.

SIMPLE JOY #21

            "A leaf fluttered in through the window this morning, as if supported
            by the rays of the sun, a bird settled on the fire escape, joy in the 
            task of coffee, joy accompanied me as I walked." - Anais Nin 
Joy in ordinary things like the smell of freshly brewing coffee (something I missed out a lot on last year due to smashing three plungers) definitely makes you happier.

SIMPLE JOY #22

Playing something correctly for the first time after months of practicing the damn thing ad nauseum is such a good feeling. I knew there was a reason practice is good. 

SIMPLE JOY #23

Crunching extra-dry leaves in your hand until it completely disintegrates = nature's own bubble wrap

SIMPLE JOY #24

Today a complete stranger stopped me in the street and gave me a small compliment. Even though he was an older gentleman and I think his intentions may have had the overtones of ever-so-slight creepiness, I still see it as one of life's little wins.

SIMPLE JOY #25

Hearing a song that reminds me of someone close to me who has since passed away and having all of those great memories of them come flooding back is a bittersweet feeling but good, nonetheless. Happy to have those memories of them still fresh in my head.

SIMPLE JOY #26

I love old family photos, especially the ones with you looking ridiculously happy as a kid. Or photos of your family members with big seventies hair, terrible facial hair or tight cordoroy pants. Or bad bad school photos when you were an awkward teen with cowlicks, refusing to smile. Priceless!

SIMPLE JOY #27

I love getting that one corn chip inside the Nacho Cheese Doritos packet that has HEAPS of cheese on it. Flavour explosion!!

 SIMPLE JOY #28

I'm like a big kid when it comes to food. Like when you eat Saladas and you get worms through the little air holes when you press two together like a sandwich! Why are those holes there and why do I think crackers taste better because of them? One of life's great mysteries!

SIMPLE JOY #29

I have finally got a new PC at work - almost six years in the making! It's those little things that make me happy: like the fact that the screen turns on! What a novelty! Or the fact that won't take 45 minutes to open Outlook. Who would have thought! It's not fancy but I'm happy

SIMPLE JOY #30

Everybody seems to whinge when doing a show at the Arts Theatre about finding a park in the city. But I get a park on Moore Street every time, sometimes outside the stage door, but it never seems to be more than 5-6 buildings away. I must be very lucky.

SIMPLE JOY #31

Peeling your own skin off - the only positive in getting a nasty sunburn (gross but fun!)

SIMPLE JOY #32

Public wash basins that have sensors so you don't need to touch the taps = all public amenities should have them. Now they just need to extend that to the toilet flush too!

SIMPLE JOY #33

I don't generally condone vandalism but smart arses who write things like 'Hammertime' on Stop Signs crack me up. 

SIMPLE JOY #34

Being able to whistle extremely well is not a practical skill that I can apply to anything useful in life. But it's still awesome that I can whistle better than I can play.

SIMPLE JOY #35

Umbrellas that DON'T blow inside out are one of life's really rare joys. 

SIMPLE JOY #36

Following on from my last post, due to me being a bit of a technophobe, there's nothing I enjoy more than old school things like printed photos and old fashioned snail mail. I love getting letters (aside from the usual scary bills and reminder notices!) in the post. Anyone else like old fashioned hand written mail? Makes me feel all nostalgic for the days when I had penpals...

SIMPLE JOY #37

Getting a surprise lift to your destination at the last minute rather than having to drive, catch bus etc.

SIMPLE JOY #38
All day breakfasts. Nothing like scrambled eggs and bacon at 8pm!

SIMPLE JOY #39
Having a full house for a show - it really does pick you up and help you play better when you can hear an appreciative audience. Love it!

SIMPLE JOY #40
Bubble wrap. It should be available aplenty in war zones. No-one would shoot at each other if there was bubble wrap around (or kittens and puppies!)

SIMPLE JOY #41
Using more than the stated amount of Milo/drinking chocolate in your glass. The ratio of Milo to milk has to be weighted in favour of the Milo!

SIMPLE JOY #42
Friends who are conscious of your well-being and care enough to ask.

SIMPLE JOY #43
Dipping sweet plain biscuits into your cup of tea and then eating it JUST before it collapses into the cup. It's about .03 of a second difference!

SIMPLE JOY #44

Mad Cat Hour. I'm not sure what possesses them at this particular moment but watching a cat tear around the house and skid for several metres on the tiles for no apparent reason is hilarious

SIMPLE JOY #45

Getting paid to do a job that you love so much you'd do for free = bonus!

SIMPLE JOY #46

Finding secret free parks in really busy places that no-one else knows about has saved my bacon many times! I've had enough parking fines to last me a lifetime during my studying. I wish I'd known about this one back then!

SIMPLE JOY #47

People who acknowledge you when you let them in traffic. It's really not hard to lift a hand and wave (and I'm ashamed as a member of the female population to say that male drivers are 10 times more likely to say thank you, I've found) but it makes me happy when they do.

SIMPLE JOY #48

Turning on the TV and seeing your favourite episode of a show inadvertently. Happens a lot with Friends being on all the time!

SIMPLE JOY #49

Drawing on fogged up windows in the car. It's fun, it's annoying to the driver...what's not to love. I remember many years ago drawing a phallic symbol on the back window of M-A's car once and it was there for AGES!

SIMPLE JOY #50

The fries at the bottom of the paper bag - why do they always taste better?

SIMPLE JOY #51

Changing titles to musical theatre songs to slightly less appropriate ones = harmless pit fun for all! This latest show is screaming out for some not-so-subtle innuendo.

SIMPLE JOY #52

Whose idea was it to make boxes of 'Mini Cheezels'. I have fat fingers - they just don't fit. What am I going to do with mini ones?? Give me the oldies but goodies any day!

SIMPLE JOY #53

Puns. Best jokes ever. Man, do they make me feel better!!

SIMPLE JOY #54

Getting stickers for good work. Yes, I'm an adult and I might have a teensy weensy little sticker addiction. I buy them for my....ahem...students... :) 

SIMPLE JOY #55

Finally finding the brother of that poor single sock that had been abandoned in the wash.

SIMPLE JOY #56

Giving your friend a single look and they understand exactly what you are thinking. That has happened a few times to me this week. Love that moment!

SIMPLE JOY #57

Finding money in your pocket you didn't know you had - you're still not rich but you're richer than you were a few seconds ago! Awesome!

SIMPLE JOY #58

Customer service/salespeople who look you directly in the eyes when they serve you, smile and say hello. None of this "How are you today" while looking at your hands, items, anywhere but your customer's face! It makes me happy when they actually engage with their customers sincerely, not just because their superiors have told them that's the standard procedure.

SIMPLE JOY #59

Overconfident wild birds that come REALLY close to you, usually in search of whatever you're eating at the time. Makes you feel closer to nature  

SIMPLE JOY #60

Actually having time to sit and enjoy breakfast without having to rush out of the door, still half dressed, eating, drinking coffee on the run etc. Gives you a good start to your day, esp when that day is already warm and sunny before 8am.

SIMPLE JOY #61

Getting given a little chocolate with your coffee. It's a small thing but makes it just that little bit better. 

SIMPLE JOY #62

Seeing your car odometer tick over to a milestone (100000, 123456. 222222). 

SIMPLE JOY #63

Got a park right outside Womad gates - wooh hooh! It's shaping up to be a great weekend already.

SIMPLE JOY #64

Ridiculously loud sneezes = hilarious!! An older gentleman outside the bank today suddenly sneezed so loudly that another guy coming out through the doors at the same time did a bit of a girly scream! I just lost it!

SIMPLE JOY #65

Windscreen wipers that move to exactly the same beat as the song playing on your car stereo. Nerd alert!

SIMPLE JOY #66

Beloved characters on TV finally 'getting together'. It's all downhill after that usually (with the exception of Friends, probably) but it's worth it for that one episode! Romantic at heart here!

SIMPLE JOY #67

Using hair clippers on someone else. Oh, the power! 

SIMPLE JOY #68

Movies or TV shows with really cool twists that I haven't actually seen coming. It doesn't happen very often, esp when I log on to Spoilbook and find someone has just ruined it for me, so to get one is really great.

SIMPLE JOY #69

Having a non "fat-day" when out shopping - that day when lots of clothes seem to look okay on you in the change rooms. Wow, that's a rarity!

SIMPLE JOY #70

When the moon looks cool - full but half covered in streaky cloud or huge and low in the sky or red or yellow or blue. Always a truly beautiful sight. Our universe is amazing! 

SIMPLE JOY #71

Songs that remind you of your childhood = awesome! I heard "Run To Paradise" the other morning in a cafe - it reminded me of Health Hustle! 

SIMPLE JOY #72

Laughing so hard with your friends that you start crying or your stomach hurts or you inhale beer! 

SIMPLE JOY #73

That free 10th coffee on your loyalty card when you don't have any money. One of life's little wins!

SIMPLE JOY #74

Singing in the shower - I know it doesn't make you any better a singer but you always sound great in your own head and that's enough for me!

SIMPLE JOY #75

Printers that, you know, work.

SIMPLE JOY #76

Hearing a song on your iPod/mp3 player that is the perfect tempo for your walking pace.

SIMPLE JOY #77

Knowing that you have made someone you care about smile on a day when they're struggling is one of the best feelings on earth and doesn't cost a thing!

SIMPLE JOY #78

In-jokes you have with friends/family. It is great fun when you can say something cryptic to someone and only they understand what the hell you're talking about! 

SIMPLE JOY #79

Worrying about something you think is going to be really difficult and then discovering it wasn't that bad after all and that you'll cope fine!

SIMPLE JOY #80

Free mints at the counter at restaurants.

SIMPLE JOY #81

Gigantic plastic bags that you get for really big items. Novelty sized!!!

SIMPLE JOY #82

Getting to pick things that other people don't like off their plates (Olives, tomatoes, their chips etc). Free food!  

SIMPLE JOY #83

Putting Ice Magic in the bottom of a cold glass of milk. The ice magic doesn't set completely but it thickens and you get chunks of chocolate in the milk. Mmmmmm! Doesn't work with the different flavoured ones as well though.

SIMPLE JOY #84

Getting back to your parked car just after the meter runs out and moving just before the approaching parking inspector. Take that, suckers!

SIMPLE JOY #85

Dogs that go absolutely nuts when you come home as they are so happy to see you! Now THAT is unconditional love.

SIMPLE JOY #86

People who can make amazing fart noises with their hands/armpits. I could never do it. Simple things amuse me so much!

SIMPLE JOY #87

Gawky teenage boys running for buses. I don't know why but I always find it so funny. I think it's because I always feel tempted to yell out "Run Forrest Run!" 

SIMPLE JOY #88

When someone with a massive trolley load of stuff lets you go first because you're buying one item.

SIMPLE JOY #89

Old fashioned people holding the door open for you.

SIMPLE JOY #90

Friendly bus drivers - I love them! Particularly in the Hills; they are trained well!

SIMPLE JOY #91

When you're only a little bit short of having the right amount of cash on you and the customer service person just lets it go.

SIMPLE JOY #92

When you accidentally drop something and someone makes an effort to run after you to give it back to you.

SIMPLE JOY #93

When someone kindly offers their seat for you on the bus, even though you are neither old nor infirmed.

SIMPLE JOY #94

When you're putting petrol in the car and you stop it at exactly the amount you want without pre-setting. No extra 1 cent for you, multi-national corporation!

SIMPLE JOY #95

I love it when you're telling a funny story to a friend and you realise that people within earshot are also smiling and laughing. I quite often laugh at strangers' stories out loud like a loser because I can't help eavesdropping.

SIMPLE JOY #96

The really cool weirdness of the two degrees of separation that happens in Adelaide.

SIMPLE JOY #97

Finding something when you're cleaning under the couch or bed that you thought you'd lost.

SIMPLE JOY #98

Opening something that is quite a bit past its expiry date and finding it's still okay. 

 SIMPLE JOY #99

The smell of baking bread....mmm!

SIMPLE JOY #100

Washing an item of clothing that you think is well and truly done for and it comes out beautifully.

SIMPLE JOY #101

Getting on the bus and the ticket machine doesn't work so you get a free trip. 

SIMPLE JOY #102

The taste of tomatoes straight off the plant.

SIMPLE JOY #103

Unexpected visits from lovely rellies I haven't seen in years.

SIMPLE JOY #104

Seeing friends you haven't seen for ages and talking to them as if it were yesterday. Even better when their lives appear to be going much better for them now.

SIMPLE JOY #105

The feeling of achievement when something goes wrong on stage in theatre and you are part of the solution. Just one reason why I love live theatre so much!

SIMPLE JOY #106

My cat when he is asleep on my lap for hours and he is so adorable curled up upside down with his paws over his face. Such a welcome break from the spawn of evil he quite often is.

SIMPLE JOY #107

When you land in a plane and they put the brakes on - best bit (or should I say, only good bit cos I hate flying!). 

SIMPLE JOY #108

A long cool shower in a humid climate after a long day in the sun.

SIMPLE JOY #109

Drinking a lot but waking up without a hangover. It doesn't happen very often with me as I'm a bit of a Cadbury drinker. I only need one glass of wine these days! 

SIMPLE JOY #110

Buying a packet of instant cannelloni/meringue shells and NONE of them in the box are broken!

 SIMPLE JOY #111

The perfect fried egg that stays perfect after you flip it over.

SIMPLE JOY #112

The silky texture of shaving cream - simple luxury.

SIMPLE JOY #113

Free items in hotel rooms (tea, coffee, shampoo, soap....). FREE!!! Always reminds me of that Friends episode when Ross tries to make up the difference for their overcharged room by taking ALL the free items, including the light bulbs and remote control batteries!

SIMPLE JOY #114

Horizontal airport travelators. They make you feel like a superhero for just a few moments

SIMPLE JOY #115

Being witness to the look of pride and honour on our service people's faces at the parade (especially the ones at the tail end of their lives) when they are honoured at the ANZAC parade. 

SIMPLE JOY #116

The adrenaline rush you get after hard exercise. It makes you feel on top of the world (until the next day when you want to DIE!).

SIMPLE JOY #117

Bump in rehearsals at the theatre that don't go until midnight. Win!

SIMPLE JOY #118

Wacky hats - life's so much more joyful in them! If they have ears (or, like, a beanie with a beard!!!), all the better!

SIMPLE JOY #119

Getting on to a rollercoaster that you were packing yourself about riding and discovering it was just really fun!

SIMPLE JOY #120

Finishing an assignment PRIOR to the due date! I don't have much experience with this as I am the world's biggest procrastinator!

SIMPLE JOY #121
Hugs from your mum. The best kind.

SIMPLE JOY #122
Getting to the bus stop just as the bus pulls up.

SIMPLE JOY #123
What I call 'the rollercoaster road' - Tregarthen Road between Summertown and Ashton. It's a really steep descent at 80kmph and it's heaps of fun!

SIMPLE JOY #124
Being a non-vocal muso and being more comfortable singing along to the instrumental bits of the song than the lyrics e.g. that cheesy 80s sax solo in Electric Blue, the funky bass line from Get Up Offa That Thing, the horn lines in Rosanna... you name it  

SIMPLE JOY #125
Trying to recognise buildings and roads as you come in to land at an airport.

SIMPLE JOY #126
Dogs with funny barks - like this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp-4dqTG4dg 

SIMPLE JOY #127

Dancing like a total idiot in public and not caring what others think. Stupid dancing is the only dancing I know how to do (and I wonder why I'm not on stage!) 

SIMPLE JOY #128

The smell of popcorn.

SIMPLE JOY #129

Getting a fluke strike in ten pin bowling. I am a terrible bowler so this is very exciting. 

SIMPLE JOY #130

Getting into a quote-fest from a particular movie with friends (Quotable movies include Mean Girls, Labyrinth and The Breakfast Club). 

SIMPLE JOY #131

Opening a bottle of wine that has been in your wine rack for 10 years and discovering that it's awesome!

SIMPLE JOY #132

The feeling of brand new polar fleece 

SIMPLE JOY #133

Snapping the elastic on someone's bra/underwear just to be annoying. Endless fun for all!

SIMPLE JOY #134

Throwing a piece of rubbish from the other side of the room and getting it in the bin! Win!

SIMPLE JOY #135

Jelly Belly jellybeans. The flavour concoctions are endless!  

SIMPLE JOY #136

Playing really loud meowing cat videos next to your sleeping cat. He he he....

SIMPLE JOY #137

Old people. I love them. So many stories (sometimes the same story every 10 minutes even!), wisdom, experience, kooky habits.

SIMPLE JOY #138

How loud a fart sounds in the shower. Bahahahaha!

SIMPLE JOY #139

Paddling the sea on a nice day. In fact, I may do that this afternoon.

SIMPLE JOY #140

Finding a beautiful wonder of nature completely by accident while driving. It happened to us several times in Tasmania and Mt Gambier - Dip Falls, Hell's Hole, St Columba Falls.

SIMPLE JOY #141

Finding an awesome piece of clothing in an op-shop and it fits you, not just Grumpy or a 7-foot stick insect.

SIMPLE JOY #142

Cutting a cake and being able to put the whole slice on the plate without it falling to bits! For me, this is a little but satisfying triumph!

SIMPLE JOY #143

Taste testing in supermarkets. I don't even care what the food is - it's free! 

SIMPLE JOY #144

Puppies seeing themselves in the mirror for the first time - cutest thing ever! 

SIMPLE JOY #145

Hilarious baby laughs like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RP4abiHdQpc

SIMPLE JOY #146

The snooze button. So simple, yet so awesome. The trick is to NOT learn to turn it off in your sleep or sleep walk to the other side of the room to turn it off.

 SIMPLE JOY #147

I always loved that cool family friend/family member that you didn't see very often but you always had fun with as a kid.

SIMPLE JOY #148

Scary, dangerous play equipment like old rickety slippery dips and flying foxes. I would hate to be a kid in these days of WHS. BORING!

SIMPLE JOY #149

Toast and hot chocolate at half-time when getting up to watch REAL football at 3am. I used to love doing this when I was a kid.

SIMPLE JOY #150

Actually getting my hair to stay up where I want it too without wet-setting it for hours! One of many downsides to having tons of extremely fine hair.

SIMPLE JOY #151

Parents that don't expect me to go 'gaga' over their babies. I really do appreciate it. I am happy for them that they have had children but I am not a baby person and it is nice when they don't expect anything from me.

SIMPLE JOY #152

Toasting marshmallows on a bonfire. I don't even like marshmallows but somehow when charred into a gluggy carcinogenic mess and eaten off an unsterilised, potentially poisonous stick, they taste much better.

SIMPLE JOY #153

Taking off a layer of clothes from underneath another layer without removing the top layer. Something that girls seem to be able to do instinctively.

SIMPLE JOY #154

When a long standing debt is finally paid off. I don't think this will happen to me any time soon (especially with my HELP debt which I'll be paying off until the day I die) but it is nice when smaller ones are completed.

SIMPLE JOY #155

Old school mix tapes. 

SIMPLE JOY #156

Building the structure in the game Mousetrap but not playing the game properly; just setting the structure off is fun in itself.

SIMPLE JOY #157

Making your own Slip and Slide with a tarpaulin, a hose and dishwashing liquid. $29.95 RRP my ass.

SIMPLE JOY #158

That day that fire bans are over and you can have a bonfire in the Hills. Wooh hooh!

SIMPLE JOY #159

Art and craft markets - I absolutely love them. It seems that every time I go to Tasmania, I miss the Salamanca Markets - one of my favourite things about Hobart.  

SIMPLE JOY #160

I really love the smell of old bookstores (and new ones, for that matter). I love the texture of actual paper books & cover art and I reckon a nice stocked bookshelf makes a house feel more welcoming and homely. "Books" in the digital age make my heart a little heavy.

SIMPLE JOY #161

That one friend you have who completely gets your sense of humour. 

SIMPLE JOY #162

Those few days each year that you had at school when it was over 38 degrees and you could go home at lunch. At school, it was either go home or die a slow painful death from heat exhaustion with no aircon in most of the classrooms back then... 

SIMPLE JOY #163

Singing harmonies in "Happy Birthday". Music nerd!

SIMPLE JOY #164

I love it when you try out a recipe for the first time and it ends up delicious. Given my cooking skills (or lack thereof), 50% of meals turn out a bit shite so it's nice to provide a meal from the other half!

SIMPLE JOY #165

Having a sofa instead of two camping chairs in our lounge room after almost a year! Changes the feel of the room a lot!

SIMPLE JOY #166

Finally watching a movie or TV show that actually lives up to its hype. Game of Thrones, you took that last week from me!

SIMPLE JOY #167

When someone actually notices that you have done something to your hair. 

SIMPLE JOY #168

When your shopping turns out to be exactly the amount you have in cash, down to the last shrapnel

SIMPLE JOY #169

Giggling like a child at something inappropriate. Like a certain trip about a decade ago to Stockton Observatory with a particularly immature 45-year-old! Or the fact that that a particular number appears like this one here...

SIMPLE JOY #170

Trying out beds and couches in furniture stores. Even if you're not going to buy anything.

SIMPLE JOY #171

Running into your teachers from school as an adult. The best experience was running into my old music teacher after 10 years and he realised that I was on my way to band practice. He was so pleased I had kept playing after Year 12. Made my day.

SIMPLE JOY #172

The decadence of warm clothes straight out of the clothes dryer on a freezing night.

SIMPLE JOY #173

Colourful matching stationery. I have an addiction. Me and school supplies are like kindred spirits and this is why I don't take a credit card into Officeworks anymore. Very dangerous!

SIMPLE JOY #174

The moment when a dog does a trick that you have just taught them. Awesome!

SIMPLE JOY #175

Reading old stories and school books from your childhood (after helping mum clear out stuff in the shed). Like 'What we did on the weekend' book from Prep class in which I outlined a rather memorable day in which my sister ended up in hospital for a few days! 

SIMPLE JOY #176

Getting the prime seats at the cinema (in non-allocated seating of course!)

SIMPLE JOY #177

That one photo of you where you look okay, even if you're completely unphotogenic and candid photos are the devil!

SIMPLE JOY #178

Getting that carton of milk in the supermarket that expires several days after the rest without having to go to the back to get it.

SIMPLE JOY #179

When a coffee shop employee remembers your order every morning. There used to be a coffee place in the shopping centre near work where they would have my order ready for me. It was awesome. Little things like that make me smile so much.

SIMPLE JOY #180

The crackle and authenticity of listening to vinyl. Nothing like it.

SIMPLE JOY #181

Being carded at a pub when you're 15 years older than the legal age (and even better, said card-er's face when they see your birth year!) :)

SIMPLE JOY #182

Peeling an apple/potato in one long strip without breaking it!

SIMPLE JOY #183

Watching tense sporting matches with like-minded fans.

SIMPLE JOY #184

The 3 second rule (or in my house, the 3 hour rule). Waste not, want not! 

SIMPLE JOY #185

Being lucky enough to actually see mummy duck and her ducklings cross at a designated duck crossing! So cute! 

SIMPLE JOY #186
Good old fashioned alphabet soup! I'm like a big kid sometimes.  

SIMPLE JOY #187

Those dishwashing brushes that self-detergent! Second best invention ever...after gaffa tape, of course!

SIMPLE JOY #188
The sound of an enormous football (the real kind!) crowd singing - as much as I DON'T love the L.F.C., the sound of "You'll Never Walk Alone" sung by thousands in the stadium is pretty impressive!

SIMPLE JOY #189

That moment when you realise your hiccups have finally stopped!

SIMPLE JOY #190

Surprise post-credits scenes in movies. Bonus! And a reward for sitting through what seems to become increasingly lengthy credits these days!

SIMPLE JOY #191

Finding out someone's middle name. It's particularly fun when their middle name is something unexpected, like in "Friends" - (Chandler Muriel Bing!!) Did you know that Richard Gere's middle name is Tiffany?  

SIMPLE JOY #192
The happiness of flowers like gerberas, sunflowers and daisies. They are such cheerful flowers and so beautifully simple.

SIMPLE JOY #193

When someone annoying has lost their voice.

SIMPLE JOY #194

A book that makes you feel something when it ends - stupidly happy or tearful and that feeling you get when you don't want it to end.

SIMPLE JOY #195

Dressing up the dog.  Dogs wearing reindeer ears at Christmas, animal coats, you name it! We used to put Cabbage Patch Kid shoes on our dog's paws (all four of them!) when we were kids and she'd clump around in them - it was so cute and they fit perfectly! Doesn't work the same with cats! Haha!

SIMPLE JOY #196

Staying in your PJs all day because you have NOWHERE to be for the first time in forever!

SIMPLE JOY #197

My scar. Makes me feel tough and helps make an otherwise really inconvenient and painful injury just that little bit better for me! Show and tell!  

SIMPLE JOY #198

Arriving in a warm cozy room after you've been freezing your butt off all day! And dry socks after having wet feet for hours!

SIMPLE JOY #199

Returning a DVD to the video store JUST in TIME! Or even better: returning a DVD to the video store after the deadline but not getting a late fee. 

SIMPLE JOY #200

That welcome stretch and cracking sound of standing up after sitting down for ages. Bliss! 

SIMPLE JOY #201

Warm fuzzy bed socks! Especially with the non-slip things stuck on the bottom.

SIMPLE JOY #202

Really really fresh bread when it's so soft, it just crushes under your fingertips when you pick it up. Mmmmm

SIMPLE JOY #203

Those mini-buses that run late at night instead of full sized metro buses that drop you as close to your house as possible.

SIMPLE JOY #204

Having a customer service person not only take responsibility for an error on their part but being given something as a freebie to say sorry. It is very nice, usually unexpected and makes my day.

SIMPLE JOY #205

Getting a higher mark than you ever expected on an exam/assignment. I always expect the worst with study so that's always a bonus!

SIMPLE JOY #206

Doing a full copy run at work without managing to jam the photocopier. This is a rarity for me! I should not be allowed near technology. Don't even ask me about the time when I managed to destroy the work photocopier with plastic coat paper!  

SIMPLE JOY #207

Funny animal memes. Only thing is, they HAVE to be grammatically correct with no spelling errors. Deliberate spelling mistakes & buzzwords do not make them funnier - in fact, it's annoying and makes them less funny.

SIMPLE JOY #208

That one hyena in the audience at musical theatre shows. Sometimes they are funnier than the show themselves!

SIMPLE JOY #209

Seeing teenagers doing something kind for elderly people, e.g. holding a door open, helping them pick up something, giving up their seat on the bus, visiting nursing homes - it's really lovely. It's one of the great things about working where I do is that this kind of heart warming service is actively encouraged.

SIMPLE JOY #210

Jokes about cops with doughnuts. They never get old. :P

SIMPLE JOY #211

That unexpected great night out you never planned. Some of my best night outs ever have happened at the spur of the moment. :)

SIMPLE JOY #212

Watching that aggressive driver that harassed and tailgated you for most of your journey get pulled over by the police or get pinged by a speed/red light camera! Justice at work right there!

SIMPLE JOY #213

When more than one awesome song comes on in a row on iPod shuffle (like three songs you remember from your childhood).

SIMPLE JOY #214

Sample perfumes. Who needs to buy something for that amount of money when you can just visit the perfume counter at one minute to closing time! 

SIMPLE JOY #215

Actually being able to pick something up with chopsticks finally.

SIMPLE JOY #216

Mum's salty salad. That's not the real name for it!  It is pure deliciousness. And no matter how many times I've tried to make it myself, it never tastes like hers.

SIMPLE JOY #217

Cutting paper with scissors that glide effortlessly without having to do the chopping action! Or tearing fabric along the grain in a perfect straight line.

SIMPLE JOY #218

When a website accepts your preferred username first time without you having to put a 15 digit number and 7 symbols at the end!

SIMPLE JOY #219

Discovering spelling/grammatical errors in articles about spelling/grammar! 

SIMPLE JOY #220

When you find the lid to a plastic container/Tupperware that actually fits, in the same place as the container.  

SIMPLE JOY #221

When someone does something extremely random and nice because they simply want to (ie. a lovely friend just bringing a surprise beverage for me which couldn't have been better timing because I was broke). 

SIMPLE JOY #222

Going back to visit your old school as an adult. Oh, the memories just flood in! 

SIMPLE JOY #223

Watching people open beer bottles with things other than a bottle opener...fences, teeth etc. 

SIMPLE JOY #224

The feeling of completely smooth legs. 

SIMPLE JOY #225

Vacuuming. I know, I'm weird! But I get extreme satisfaction watching a floor surface go from grubby & speckly to smooth and clean. Plus my cat's afraid of the vacuum and it's funny.

SIMPLE JOY #226

When you were a kid and there were three of you in the family and you didn't have to sit on the 'hump' in the car. Or you were old enough to ride shotgun.

SIMPLE JOY #227

Getting an answer to a very long standing medical issue after many years. Whilst I would prefer to not have that medical issue, getting answers is so much better than being in the dark.

SIMPLE JOY #228

Bacon - like angels dancing on my tastebuds!

SIMPLE JOY #229

Leftover pizza for breakfast. It always tastes better!

SIMPLE JOY #230

When someone lifts you off your feet to hug you. Doesn't happen very often with me cos I'm fat.  

SIMPLE JOY #231

Still remembering all the lyrics to songs you haven't heard in 20 years.

SIMPLE JOY #232

The red light dodge - making it through on the yellow light last, leaving the cars behind you. Suckers!

SIMPLE JOY #233

Popping candy. How can something so small be so joyful?!

SIMPLE JOY #234

Finally conquering a skill that's taken you months or years to do. Or watching someone else do the same. This happens occasionally at skating and it's awesome.

SIMPLE JOY #235

Novelty sized mugs! Normal sized mugs just feel wrong now!

SIMPLE JOY #236

That point in your really long car trip when you realise you're over half way!

SIMPLE JOY #237

Making an impulse purchase and not bankrupting yourself in the process because you can actually afford it.

SIMPLE JOY #238

New puppy smell.  

SIMPLE JOY #239

The moment when you notice your essay that you've been trying to extend is actually over the word limit finally!

SIMPLE JOY #240

Markings on musical theatre scores like this one:

SIMPLE JOY #241

Cute little critters like ducks seen in weird places (like on top of my 7 foot fence). 

SIMPLE JOY #242

The feeling of your hair after you've been to the hairdresser. I wish you could replicate that at home.

SIMPLE JOY #243

The emergency undies bag (or. should I say, 'grundies' bag) - the ones you can rely on in these moments when you haven't done washing for ages. Full of non-elastic ones, holey ones, granny pants, the works. Mine may even include old bathers...  

SIMPLE JOY #244

Receiving hand made birthday, Easter or Christmas cards from very small children.

SIMPLE JOY #245

Being able to see your childhood home when you're an adult (after you have moved away many years ago) and all the memories associated with it! I mean, who wants to be denied the moment when your charming sister walks into what was our old bedroom and says 'I wiped my snot on that wall." Bahahaha!

SIMPLE JOY #246

When you go to a vending machine and it drops two things instead of one! Much better than the vending machines at uni which used to steal my money on a regular basis!

SIMPLE JOY #247

Finally getting a new driver's license photo! Been a long time coming, given the last one, I did at the spur of the moment and it looked like I hadn't even brushed my hair (I probably hadn't...). 

SIMPLE JOY #248

Almond/cherry blossom. The trees around my suburb are in full bloom and it is so beautiful with the grass below it covered in a sheet of pink and white.

SIMPLE JOY #249

Seeing a kids' show you used to love as an adult - oh the memories! Like all episodes of Mysterious Cities of Gold. :)

SIMPLE JOY #250

 Reminiscing with old friends - nothing like a good natter about the olden days as I gradually become an old fart.

SIMPLE JOY #251

Mirrors/window reflections that make you look skinnier, not fatter.

SIMPLE JOY #252

Suddenly realising, when you're out doing exercise, that you have gone for much longer than you'd originally planned or thought you could go.

SIMPLE JOY #253

People who can do amazing impersonations of other people. I'm hopeless at it but there are some people out there who are brilliant at it!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7QMcFHBGi4 

SIMPLE JOY #254

Managing to read a whole book from brand new and it look intact when you finish it (no dog ears, creased covers etc). For me, it's simply managing to not spill coffee on it!

SIMPLE JOY #255

Those days when you crave total silence and solitude and you get it. I sat on the edge of Cobbler Creek the other day for about fifteen minutes to rest my ankle and it was completely silent except for running water. No one came past the entire time. It was so awesome.

SIMPLE JOY #256

Seeing places you've visited in a Hollywood movie. 

SIMPLE JOY #257

Getting a front-on photo of my cat that doesn't involve EXTREME close ups!

SIMPLE JOY #258

Having been in the school concert band at school and never having to sing the National Anthem at assemblies. In fact, I don't think I even knew the words to the school hymn because I was always playing it instead.

SIMPLE JOY #259

When you have a cold and you sneeze and your nose finally unblocks for just that few seconds!

SIMPLE JOY #260

Getting a relief teacher at school. It felt like Christmas!

SIMPLE JOY #261

The perfect parallel park when you didn't think you'd fit. I have never understood why people find parallel parking so hard. I actually find it easier than angle parking.

SIMPLE JOY #262

Beginner's luck, like winning on your first and only time on the pokies, or playing a game of poker or blackjack where others have had to teach you how to play and then you win big time.

SIMPLE JOY #263

When someone you didn't expect to be able to sing is actually really good! Usually means they're pretty humble too.

SIMPLE JOY #264

When public holidays fall in the middle of the week.

SIMPLE JOY #265

Still actually having all the pieces of a Lego kit after the first time it was built. I swear, most of the time it takes to build a Lego construction is spent looking for that one little piece that may have been pushed under the couch by the cat or vacuumed up!

SIMPLE JOY #266

Ignoring your true age on your birthday and having a kid's birthday party. Or going to the zoo. Or in my case, planning on a trip to the Plaster Fun House.

SIMPLE JOY #267

Finding an obscure item in a supermarket yourself without having to ask a staff member.

SIMPLE JOY #268

When your bags are the first to come around on the conveyer belt at the airport. 

SIMPLE JOY #269

Finding unusual, pretty and completely intact and unbroken seashells.

SIMPLE JOY #270

Unexpected free stuff like getting a Boost juice just because I am called a particular name! :) Yay!

SIMPLE JOY #271

Infectious laughter - when one person gets the giggles and can't stop it and it spreads to all neighbouring people. Love it!

SIMPLE JOY #272

Wearing underwear with superhero logos on it. Invincible!!

SIMPLE JOY #273

Really clean public toilets. Call me weird but I get a feeling of impending dread when you walk into a cubicle, expecting the worst, so it's a relief when it is actually okay.

SIMPLE JOY #274

When you've actually got time to do ALL your washing and there isn't anything left in the washing basket!

SIMPLE JOY #275

Nanna naps. Nothing better than a sneaky power nap in the afternoon. As long as it is not too long to the point where you get that grungy feeling.

SIMPLE JOY #276

When your teacher/coach/mentor says you're improving at something even though you don't feel like you are. I don't tend to have much confidence (especially when the activity is WAAAY out of my comfort zone) so to hear encouraging comments from people you trust is really uplifting. 

SIMPLE JOY #277

Celebrity name dropping. Come on, you know you love doing it. Everybody loves doing it. You know you would love to say that you once cleaned famous so-and-so's house or you went to school with that guy on that soap opera... 

SIMPLE JOY #278

Stringing along scam phone callers from 'Windows Maintenance Department' and the like. LOVE IT! The longer you can keep them on the phone, the better!

SIMPLE JOY #279

Thinking you're going to be late but actually ending up exactly on time! I am a perpetual early arriver and I get very distressed at the thought of being late, so... phew!

SIMPLE JOY #280

Peeling dried non-toxic craft glue off your hands!

SIMPLE JOY #281

Star gazing in the middle of nowhere where there are no lights to stop you from seeing about a billion stars. The universe is amazing!

SIMPLE JOY #282

Jumping out at someone around the corner and saying 'Boo!! 

SIMPLE JOY #283

NLTC's canteen honour system. Whoever thought of that is a genius! Honestly, it is a relief to know that if you don't have time for dinner in between work and a show, you won't go hungry at the theatre. All companies should do it.  

SIMPLE JOY #284

Showing books you loved as a kid to the next generation...

SIMPLE JOY #285

When someone asks you if you've lost weight (even if you don't think you have, it's still nice to hear anyway!). 

SIMPLE JOY #286

When I was a kid and I used to pretend to be asleep in the back of the car when we arrived home from a car trip with the parents so they had to carry me inside.  

SIMPLE JOY #287

Photobombing. Always annoying, always fun! 

 SIMPLE JOY #288

Getting the first seats in the aircraft and able to get out first! Or the seats with the extra leg room!

SIMPLE JOY #289

When bands at concerts do more than one encore. Except when you're the one performing and you are secretly willing them to stop clapping so you can get off stage!

SIMPLE JOY #290

Late night random drives to wherever you feel like. I love getting in the car and just driving when there is no one else on the road. The city looks really pretty at night from the top of a hill.

SIMPLE JOY #291

Fancy dress. I love dressing up - the more ridiculous the better. It irks me when you go to a Halloween party or a themed concert and all the girls are dressed as 'playboy bunnies' or 'she-devils' because they can't bear to go as anything that makes them look even remotely silly (cue 'Mean Girls' scene!). Where's the fun in that?!

SIMPLE JOY #292

When you were a kid and you sat at the tape recorder, finger poised on the record button, waiting to tape your favourite song on the radio and you got the whole thing! Even if Barry Bissell used to talk over the end of the song during the top 40 show in the 1990s! But at least in those days, he did more than just crude practical jokes & very unsubtle product placement.

SIMPLE JOY #293

When your clothes dry in under an hour in the Australian heat. Really the only thing I like about summer in this country.

SIMPLE JOY #294

Being really busy and struggling to fit everything in and then something you had to go to gets cancelled, giving you more time.

SIMPLE JOY #295

Schadenfreude. Like:
a) someone pushing a pull door
b) asshole bullfighters getting gored by the bull (preferably in the groin)
c) someone's accidental fart when squatting for something 
d) hearing that somebody you were once close to but who hurt you getting dumped
e) seeing karma at work. Like the time when a company who, claiming I hadn't paid an account even though I had, sent me an abusive message to which I replied politely but my email account inadvertently sent it over 40 times to them!

I'm not talking anything too malicious (with the exception of b) but just the little amusing things you can't help but smile at. Yes, I'm a bitch.

SIMPLE JOY #296

Blowing the seeds off a dandelion globe - so pretty.  

SIMPLE JOY #297

The perfect shuffle of a deck of cards. It makes up for my total lack of luck or skill at any card games.

SIMPLE JOY #298

Putting on trackies at the end of a very long, taxing day.

SIMPLE JOY #299

When a restaurant cooks your steak exactly the way you like it.

SIMPLE JOY #300

Really really good pork crackling. Mum always has an ability to get this just right. Yum!

SIMPLE JOY #301

Skating on a really smooth ice surface. Don't get that much these days, unfortunately.

SIMPLE JOY #302

Honeysuckle. I love the smell and there's that little drop of nectar that you can get it if you bite off the end.

SIMPLE JOY #303

The crackling sound, the smell and authentic heat of an open fire. Obviously not experiencing that at the moment.

SIMPLE JOY #304

Writing with a really smooth, effortless quality pen - not a crappy 50c one from the Reject shop.

SIMPLE JOY #305

Those rare work moments when your desk is clean and your intray empty. Haven't experienced that in such a long time!  

SIMPLE JOY #306

Eating the outer layer of chocolate off a Milky Way first and then eating the soft bit separately.

SIMPLE JOY #307

Really good shower pressure somewhere where the water is soft. Which is not Adelaide.

SIMPLE JOY #308

Making craft items & painting. I am such a nanna but I find it very relaxing and therapeutic.

SIMPLE JOY #309

Listening to someone make up lyrics to songs as they sing. Reminds me of a particular incident not long ago in which a stage performer forgot her words so went 'la la la' - hilarious!

SIMPLE JOY #310

When someone else does your hair for a night out. It always looks so much better than when I do it myself. But then again, I haven't even been able to plait my own hair so what hope do I have??

SIMPLE JOY #311

The light at the end of the tunnel. When you've gone through something difficult and suddenly the clouds begin to clear and the end of the crap is visible, it's the best feeling in the world.

SIMPLE JOY #312

Taking a running leap and bombing in a swimming pool. It's even better when there's someone standing poolside to soak in the process!  

SIMPLE JOY #313

Those butterflies you got in your stomach when you had an innocent little crush on someone.

SIMPLE JOY #314

Scooping out the middle of a rockmelon.  

SIMPLE JOY #315

Having a full-on conversation with your pet. I do it all the time with my cat. One day someone's going to come knocking at the door and think I'm crazy, talking to myself.  

SIMPLE JOY #316

Good old fashioned bubble pipes. Yes. Yes indeed. I am a child.

SIMPLE JOY #317

Lying on your back on the grass and finding shapes in the clouds. Although I always manage to see dirty ones - total gutter mind!

SIMPLE JOY #318

When someone else's little kids hug you, even though they haven't seen you in ages. This happens to me all the time - for some reason, a lot of kids like me. Probably because I'm about as mature (and as short) as they are.

SIMPLE JOY #319

When your favourite author announces the release date of their new book. Pure excitement!!

SIMPLE JOY #320

Getting postcards. I know they are old fashioned but I still have postcards that Dad and Grandad sent me from London and New York when I was little. There's something really nice about receiving something, however small, from the other side of the world, even if it arrives after the person gets back to Australia!

SIMPLE JOY #321

When free-to-air TV networks play the whole series of a show you like without changing its broadcast time/day twenty times! Please note: this does not extend to Channel 7.

SIMPLE JOY #322

Smartarses. 

SIMPLE JOY #323

When your car is actually clean. Which, for me, is almost never! It's where fast food wrappings go to die!

SIMPLE JOY #324

The soft skin of your earlobes.

SIMPLE JOY #325

Photo booths. Somehow they are a license for me to make all the stupid faces that I can't help doing in normal photos.

SIMPLE JOY #326

Using your finger to clean your plate. Yes, I am very ladylike. I would totally fail that 'Charm School' show.

SIMPLE JOY #327

Using musical analogies to analyse your gigantic burp! (More support from the diaphragm needed, intonation good but needs better control of dynamics... good tonal warmth). Hahaha!

SIMPLE JOY #328

When my shower is finished before I run out of hot water (Clarification: we have a very small hot water tank!).

SIMPLE JOY #329

Friendly neighbourhood cats!

SIMPLE JOY #330

Finishing your Christmas shopping BEFORE Christmas eve.

SIMPLE JOY #331

Actually having time to clean the house. The current state of our house is starting to distress me. Bring on the holidays!

SIMPLE JOY #332

The last few words of the last assignment of your uni degree. Happy dance!

SIMPLE JOY #333

BBC panel comedy shows on radio. Never cease to cheer me up when I'm feeling down.

SIMPLE JOY #334

When you have friendly neighbours who look out for you and your property. We have the loveliest elderly couple next door. I've never experienced a community before like this. It makes me happy because people don't really get to know their neighbours anymore.

SIMPLE JOY #335

Peeling the protective film off new appliances.

SIMPLE JOY #336

The perfect pillow. You don't realise how bad a sleep you've been having until you get a decent pillow and everything changes!

SIMPLE JOY #337

When we pick up our cat from the cattery where he has been Mr Grumpy Pants all week and he is frantic with love and cuddles! So cute!

SIMPLE JOY #338

When you actually get the rim of your wine glass to 'sing'. It reminds me of that time in wind orchestra when we were playing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star at the end of some Schwanter piece because they were the notes we had!

SIMPLE JOY #339

The feeling of taking off your socks after walking around on a hot day!

SIMPLE JOY #340

When things are colour coded and sorted into spectrum order!

SIMPLE JOY #341

Doing something for a worthy cause with like minded individuals that gives you that warm fuzzy feeling. Sometimes it really does cost nothing.

SIMPLE JOY #342

The reaction little kids have when an adult accidentally says a swear word in front of them!

SIMPLE JOY #343

When the orchestra plays off the person talking on stage in award shows. Hahahaha suckers! Oh, the power!

SIMPLE JOY #344

Helium. The chipmunk voice never gets old! Especially when it is inhaled by someone with a really distinctive voice (like Morgan Freeman on Jimmy Fallon)  soooo bad for you but so much fun!

SIMPLE JOY #345

Funny toilet graffiti. It's particularly good when it is a continuous conversation! .

SIMPLE JOY #346

Playing hide and seek with little kids. 

SIMPLE JOY #347

Doing better than expected in a quiz night. "I am so smart, I am so smart, s-m-a-t.... I mean, s-m-a-R-t!"  

SIMPLE JOY #348

Driving on brand new roads when the lines have only just been painted on.

SIMPLE JOY #349

An unexpectedly fast delivery of a package from overseas.

SIMPLE JOY #350

FREE garlic bread when you get a pizza.

SIMPLE JOY #351

Managing to save money for more than a week. Sadly, it's been a very long time. 

SIMPLE JOY #352

T-Shirts that have obscure quotes or references to cult movies on them that get recognised only by fans.  

SIMPLE JOY #353

That moment when you can do your first push up. Sadly this is NOT me. I have arms like slightly unset jelly.

SIMPLE JOY #354

Christmas Cracker Jokes! This year's Christmas gem? Q: What is a frog's favourite drink? A: Croak-a-Cola. 

SIMPLE JOY #355

The perfect sliding wrapping paper cut. Happens about 5% of the time and the rest of the time, there is a chunk out of the corner!

SIMPLE JOY #356

The moment in a truly great song when you get goosebumps and remember why you love music. Maybe it's a riff or a high note or the timbre of someone's voice but most people would have a moment like this in a song they love. Mine is just before the guitar solo in The Ground Beneath Her Feet by U2, and the epic horns in The Pursuit of Happiness by The Divine Comedy, and the Ensemble in the final seconds of Defying Gravity. What's yours?

SIMPLE JOY #357

When you find something by accident that would be the perfect gift for someone for Christmas...

SIMPLE JOY #358

Backyard movie nights - love them! Especially when it's a movie you adore! 

SIMPLE JOY #359

Dogs opening their own Christmas presents! Squeeee!

SIMPLE JOY #360

Old fashioned picnic lunches in beautiful places... I get happiness from the smallest things.

SIMPLE JOY #361

Novelty teapots in funny shapes. I really love them - I think I'm destined to become either a crazy cat lady or eccentric teapot collector! 

SIMPLE JOY #362

The mispronunciation of common words by little kids - 'basgetti', 'ambliance', 'elemenopee'.  

SIMPLE JOY #363

The expulsion of a well-overdue poo. 

SIMPLE JOY #364

Patting random dogs tied up outside shops. 

SIMPLE JOY #365

The promise of a brand new year bringing better things and new people, opportunities and challenges.