The Myth Of Fingerprints

Before work on Monday, I was looking for an emergency summer shirt (stupid me thought that it was a smart idea to wear a jumper with nothing underneath on a 35 degree day) and I discovered this interesting phenomena. I was browsing the clothes racks in some random store in the mall and I turned around to see these three girls doing the same. One was in her early teens, the others in their late teens or early twenties. They weren't together but curiously, they were dressed almost identically - I mean, aside from the colour of their similarly stripy t-shirts, identically cut jeans and 'girlie thongs', their clothes were like duplicate copies. Their hair was all tied back in the same fashion with the same dyed streaks through it and they all had dangly earrings, presumably bought from a cheap jewellery store like diva. I actually smiled at the doppelganger effect I was seeing here but then, I got a shock. I looked down at myself.

Aside from a small work-related alterations, I was essentially dressed the same too and the rack I was browsing through was stripy-shirt-central. I was horrified at my inadvertent attempt to conform. I quickly got out of there and headed for the nearest plain black top I could find to 'cleanse' myself from this evil.

I realised that from all areas of basic living, we're all following the leader...and we don't even know who that leader is - Dewey Finn in School of Rock would probably call it 'the man'. I see this a lot at school - kids dressing the same, speaking the same, even their hand writing is the same. I have students wanting to learn the not-so-great tunes of the most popular music act of the day (and I use the term 'music' lightly). I can tell you now, "Wolfmother for Clarinet" is not exactly what I would call quality musical literature. The new Year 8s for next year were asked what their fave music was - their answers were indescribably predictable: Rihanna, Beyonce, Pussycat Dolls for the girls; Wolfmother, Blink 182, Panic! At the Disco for the boys.

Even watching Australian Idol from year to year, we see that cliched 'golden boy' or pretty young diva excel throughout the competition, only to be ousted by the underdog. The kooky looking Guy won over the 'ever popular with girls' Shannon Noll; the overweight 16 yr old Casey Donovan beat out the popular (although Hobbit related) Anthony Callea. And lets not forget the balding Irish crooner with bad teeth Damien Leith beating the power singing pretty girl Jess for this year's title. Now, some will say this is an indication that people won't always vote for the coolest or better looking contestant but the results are becoming predictable. I think it's become conformist to make sure the underdog wins. I'm just as guilty as the rest of the population on this one.

Over the mountain, down in the valley,
Lives a former talk show host
Everybody knows his name.
He says there's no doubt about it...
It was the myth of fingerprints
I've seen them all and man,
They're all the same.

Paul Simon


We see people, like sheep, follow patterns of others in trends towards occupations (I read somewhere that enrolments in university Forensic Chemistry courses have increased because of CSI and Bones), trends towards pastimes (dancing classes have had surges in memberships in the US because of 'So You Think You Can Dance'). Sushi, freshly made juice and 'made as you order' noodle boxes have taken on the high fashion stakes of the food world. And of course, lets not forget the just plain scary trend of playing 'follow the leader' in politics. Could this explain the inability for our country to embrace and accept a change in government.

What I have found the most amusing about fashions and fads is that some assertive joker thought it would be funny to tell the Aussie public that mullets were a GOOD idea to bring back and managed to get these SHEEP to embrace possibly the worst fashion trend ever! All it takes is for one person to tell someone something is worth doing and its a hit.

NICKY'S PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATION!

So here's my plan. I'm persuasive. I can talk a coffee table's legs off. I think I'm going to experiment with this.

First I'll hit the clothing stores (maybe small time in Rundle Mall to begin with) and convince the Australian public that stone wash jeans with elastic waistbands are the fashion trend of the future - coupling this with Blundstones and off the shoulder tank tops. Or maybe poodle skirts could replace the Boho look. I could tell hairdressers that the skunk look is coming back - I'm sure they could get at least ONE 14yr old to give themselves black and white stripes over a permed fringe. I'm sure I could also attempt to convince fashion magazines that vomit colour is the new black.

Next I'll hit the radio stations and convince them that Leo Sayer is the comeback of the century and that they should play 'You Make Me Feel Like Dancing' ad nauseum on Nova 91.9. Or failing that, Julio Eglesias or Kamahl will do as an alternative.

Then I'll go to all the major TV networks to pitch my television pilot "Dumpers", a show about a group of twenty something public toilet cleaners. After its first hit season, let's just see how many people decide that their dream career isn't medicine or law but they wish to pursue an occupation in the 'sanitary arts'.

I could convince Hollywood viewing audiences waiting noisily on the side of the Oscars red carpet parade that the new 'it' girl is some decrepit old fogey not fit enough to star in 'Upstairs Downstairs 2: The Final Revenge'. Bugger all the Scarlet Johannsens, and Keira Knightleys of this world. Let's bring back Kathy Bates and Sissy Spacek and Kirsty Alley to the front page of FHM.

And finally, my last stop will be the bars and clubs of Adelaide where I'll launch my new mixed drink - Colitis: a combination of baileys, Stout and tomato juice. We could market it as the new Manhattan. All we'd need to do is get Sarah Jessica Parker to endorse it and it's a binge drinking hit!

I'm starting to a little 'megalomaniacal' under the collar....

VOTE 1: Nicky.....to take over our Pied Piper world.