I am a self-confessed reality TV freak. And it's really not a good thing. In fact, I think I watch too much tv in general. I was watching the game show 'The Rich List' the other day and I realised that I know too much about TV when I could name more than 10 Muppets. And I knew at least 15 Tom Cruise movies (and I don't even LIKE Tom Cruise - now if it was Kevin Bacon.......) and I shudder to think whatever other silver screen related category I'm gonna clean up in. I should go on this show....I could use $250,000. Bugger the partner you're supposed to have, I could do it solo. I digress....
Reality tv is my weakest area. I realised that aside from game shows, the shows I watch the most are reality ones. (Although this could do with the fact that there is a conspiracy created by Channel 10 to stop me from being able to watch House by putting it on band night...they must know that I have an unprogrammable VCR).
I have recently become addicted to 'So You Think You Can Dance'. And through watching it, I've started to think that maybe I just like these shows because I can live vicariously through the people I'm watching on the box. Cos they all follow a pattern - singing (Australian Idol - although Lee Harding doesn't count in that category), dancing (So You Think You Can Dance), dating people (The Bachelor), communicating and co-operating with family in a stressful environment (The Amazing Race) being able to do more than one pushup (The Biggest Loser). All things that I can't do.
Of course, Big Brother doesn't factor into this list. Why? Because even I can walk around the house wearing nothing but a belt and talk incessantly about graphic sex with total strangers. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to be a Big Brother contestant. In fact, if you WERE a rocket scientist, you wouldn't even get ON the show. There's an IQ limitation.
I just think it's laziness on my part. I figure I don't have to actually learn how to dance or sing or exercise or socialise with others when I can just watch other people doing it on TV. And that can't be healthy. Because sitting on my ass watching The Bachelor and seeing some chick say 'she's in love' with a slimy guy she's known for a mere few weeks and me actually getting weepy is just a little bit pathetic.
In fact, I think I should stop watching TV altogether. Because I'm entirely too involved in the evil that is Quizmania (does anyone else want to punch Hotdogs as much as me?). I know people that are becoming increasingly more violent the longer that piece of rubbish is on.
And I'm starting to harbour unhealthy thoughts about what I would like to do to shut up the chick with the freaky veins on her neck on the Caffe Primo ad. By the way, did anyone know that she is actually a 36ers cheerleader? ANNOUNCEMENT: Does anyone want to go to the basketball with me so I can egg her? I hate how she says "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Well, I don't know....if she's thinking that she would like to fall head first into a pile of orangutang faeces, then yeah! And as for the "throw a few more prawns on that" comment, don't even get me started. There were TWO F-ing prawns on the plate before she said that, the stingy bastards!
Yep, I think I should take leave from TV for a while. Although what would I do without Dr Karl Kennedy or the coppers at Sun Hill or the awe-inspiring smoulder of Michael Vartan in Alias....or Bert's bad jokes on Family Feud (BRING BACK ROB!) or that hilarious Carlton Cold ad where the chubby bloke does the Flashdance imitation...he he he... or the crazy capers of that yellow, four-fingered family..........
Oh shit, I really am pathetic.....
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