The day our balls got polished

I am a true South Australian. I take pride in the quirks of our state. And I was pretty distraught to go into Rundle Mall a few months ago and discover that someone had taken our balls. To have them polished. I thought they were gone forever. The mall's balls are a true South Australian icon. And so I was relieved to see them back - polished in their wonderful glory.


To be a genuine Adelaidean, you have to take pride in the eccentricities of our humble little city. Do you know ANYONE who hasn't tried to 'ride' the bronze pigs? I have several inebriated photos of people (who shall remain nameless) mounting the pig that is scavenging in the fake bin.

And who hasn't organised to meet people at the mall's balls? Or Darryl Lea.? Or Pulteney Street Hungry Jacks as a pre-binge drinking hotspot (and visited the same Hungry Jacks at 4am when there is nothing else open)?

Adelaide is full of wonderful crazy nutters who, in other states, would be avoided like the plague. After all, what kind of a city would not only revere a guy who has a penchant for hula hoops, gumboots, lycra tights and speedosbut actually remember his name? He is FAMOUS in other states now because those non-Adelaidean celebrities are fascinated by the man we all call..... Johnny Haysman.And how about the little man who plays keyboard (and most recently, a kiddie xylophone) on Rundle Street (and sometimes outside the Myer Centre)? A few years back, a friend of a friend actually got him to pose for a photo but I never got a copy. You'd think after decades of practicing and playing, this little keyboard 'prodigy' would get better, wouldn't you? But he hasn't improved musically at all. There goes my hope of getting my students to practice.

And what about the man who used to sing light opera in a stripy red and white suit and boater. Or the man with the top hat and skinny jeans?

Only in Adelaide do people actually buy wedding cakes made out of Balfours Frog Cakes.

Only Adelaideans actually eat a meat pie drowned in pea soup. (Hands up who misses the Balfours Pie Cart outside the casino....).

Only Adelaideans like my drunken sister would actually approach the crazy man who collected cans in Rundle Mall and tell him that he changed her life (because he sang the wrong words in Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head when she was a tiddler). We called him 'The Man With The Cans'. Since then, he has disappeared off the face of the earth.

Only Adelaideans can claim the 1 degree of separation between other Adelaideans. I don't think I've ever gone anywhere and not met up with someone who knows someone I know through weird connections. Only in Adelaide can you claim that you had a brush with fame because you bumped into Helen from Designer Direct. And I don't think there is a South Australian around that doesn't want to go looking for the fucking annoying guy and girl from the Cafe Primo ads to tell them they're wankers.

Noone in Adelaide actually wanted to go to the Grand Prix but we're damned if we're gonna forgive Melbourne for taking it from us. In fact, any excuse to bag Victoria is a good one. And I'm sorry, but SA beer is so much better than Victoria beer. VB: What beer would taste like if your butt had a spout?

I'm feeling full of South Aussie pride just thinking about all this. Adelaide is a great city.

We have balls.