Nix's Christmas Rap....
Yo, all my homies....listen out! Put your hands up in the air.....
.....if you were disappointed with the Christmas crackers this year.
STOP! Hammertime!
Now you're probably thinking that I'm on crack right now but yes, I was gonna write a rap. But I couldn't find a rhyme for incompetent christmas cracker manufacturer pricks. So that was the end of that.
It is a tradition in the Molloy family household to wear the ridiculous paper hats and read the unspeakably awful jokes out of the Christmas crackers. (We've already lost all hope years ago for the little toy in the Christmas cracker, although we were concerned this year that it was rigged. My nan got a full Snakes and Ladders game whilst I got a plastic Stegasauras. That did nothing. It could have at least rattled).
Anyway, excitement was in the air. I was the first to pull my cracker (actually, let me rephrase that....that sounds slightly off.....)....I was the first to open the cracker. And you could have cut the anticipation with a knife. I pulled out the little piece of paper that usually holds the comedic gold and.......
WHOP! It hit me. There were no jokes. There were quotes. And not good ones too. NO JOKES!!!!! I have such fond memories of jokes like "What's big, grey and wears glass slippers? Cinderelephant." I was so looking forward to: Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
But nothing. My Christmas was ruined.
I'm writing a stern letter to the christmas cracker people. Cos it's just not on.
Please please please post your Christmas cracker jokes on here or on Facebook. Cos I'm feeling like cancelling future Christmases.
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